Needy.
We’ve all described somebody that way, and none of us like to have it applied to us. Have you ever known somebody who craved praise or attention (we all like it of course, but I’m talking about those who hunger for it)? It’s pretty much impossible to be alluring when you are unsatisfied and, well, needy. A girl has to move from being needy, to being confident and secure. But how?
You must satisfy your own emotional needs. You have to be self-sufficient in a deep way. A person who needs others for their sense of validation, who can’t live without feeling loved by someone else, who is never happy alone, this person isn’t healthy or stable.
When you have emotional needs that you are not fulfilling within yourself, you are leaning on another person. Your balance is dependant on them and if they were to step away from you for a second, you would fall down. This is a very tiring and frustrating situation for the person being leaned on. It doesn’t make you very alluring in their eyes, just a burden. For you, the one doing the emotional leaning, you are completely out of control of whether or not you will fall. You have put that control in somebody else’s hands.
When you need the admiration of others to feel good about yourself, you are taking your self-worth and handing it to somebody else. If instead you have spent enough time with yourself to be able to see your own beauty and your own intelligence, then admiration from others still feels lovely, but the lack of it does not shake your balance.
Another reason why you must fulfill your own needs is that if you don’t, you will be useless in taking care of others. How many women do we know who give and give, but there is always an air of desperation and misery about them?
When we are starved for anything, whether it be food, love, respect, or security, that hunger is the most important things in our lives. We can try to ignore it and go about our normal activities, but it keeps clamoring for attention. Only by satisfying that hunger can we finally focus on other things. If you want to have a great relationship, raise happy children, or have a thriving career, you can not give what you need to give if you are starved for something. You have to truly understand your own mind and body, and understand what you need. You have to take a bit of time to yourself (not always easy if you live with other people or have little children hanging on you, but absolutely necessary none the less) on a regular basis and feed your own needs.
If you need physical admiration, then you need to get to know your body and learn to love it. You must become comfortable in your own skin. Be proud of your assets, and get over any guilt about your “flaws”. We are all different and every body is “flawed” so you might as well learn to love those things too, as they are just as much a part of you.
If you need to feel loved, you must learn to love yourself. If you are of a religious nature, you will find that God is a source of all the love you could possibly ever need. If you are atheist, then you must find that sense of love within yourself.
If you need to be respected, you must first respect yourself. Stop putting yourself down casually in conversation. Weed out the habitual self-effacement from your daily life. You do not need to be boastful or arrogant, in fact that is just sign of craving the admiration of others, but false-modesty is almost as bad. Simply know your own abilities, your own strengths, and quietly respect yourself. If others agree, wonderful, if they don’t then it doesn’t hurt you at all.
When you are fulfilled and secure in yourself, no matter what happens to you in life, you can handle it. Your insides are not dependent in any way on your outsides. Your life can go crazy, but nothing outside of you can shake your inner strength. No one can deny you any thing you need because you take care of your own needs.
Being complete and secure in yourself is the root of confidence.
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